Due to my (long term) unemployment in the last dot com bust, one of the best outcomes out of it for me personally was getting very very comfortable with being ignored, hearing a no or as some like to phrase it - being rejected. If you have never experienced this, I would highly recommending practicing (do it where it the outcome does not matter - for the sake of it .. maybe with a random stranger) and seeking it out.
Getting rejected is far far better than being ignored. During my unemployment, I would be mostly ignored and and on the rare occasion, I would hear a polite no. When I approached LinkedIn first for a job in 2003, it was a polite No since they were not hiring business people. I stayed in touch for over a year and eventually went to work there as their first business development manager in 2004 when they had about 15-20 employees.
First and foremost, very very often, it is the fear of rejection which stops us from trying. It is amazing how often we are wrong. You can always try and fail, but never fail to try.
Now, if you have overcome the fear, here are 10 things that helped me:
- Always always keep moving (to the next alternative job, investor, date etc.). You might be wrong but not moving is definitely, wrong. Nothing happens until you do something.
- Never accept no since the only one who can can stop you in your tracks, is you. Henry Ford said 'Whether you can or can not, you are right"
- Realize that it is not about you. Put on some blinders on and stay focused on the goal
- Most people who say no to you are not empowered to do so but you would if you do as they say
- Often (like in the case of my 3 years long unemployment), you are looking for only one yes so keep going since it is a matter of time
- People are busier than ever now you are not their priority
- We all seem to be about make ourselves successful first .. few are focused on others especially if they do not see any returns from you easily.
Why on earth would someone want to help a guy that goes by an impossible name to pronounce - Mrinal, is fresh out of college and has never worked in the US?
- Almost nothing valuable is easy and if it is coming easily, you are not pushing the envelope. The value will be fleeting. Read about hedonistic adaptation - the harder the struggle, the longer it will take to reach "equilibrium" and become blase about your last achievement
- Everything can be practiced - do more and often differently and work towards more Nos. I would recommend you integrate a feedback measure to make the practice meaningful to improve on each initiative.
- More optimistically (Yes - its an attitude that helps), If anything, No is an indicator that you are onto something and "wisdom of the crowds" does not get it
The good news is that you are not the only one getting rejected - you are in the good company of people like Michael Jordan, Walt Disney and J.K.Rowling to name a few.
Finally, you may not realize this but practice started very early for all of us and you might be thicker than you think:
A UCLA survey from a few years ago reported that the average one year old child hears the word, No!, more than 400 times a day!
If you are experienced at this, I would love to hear your ways so that I can practice them.